From long hair to no hair..sort of

It wasn't an easy decision but as most of you know right now.. i've shaved my head. I wanted to do something crazy before totally shaving my head, like coloring it platinum blonde to blue to red and maybe get a mohawk while at it. But one day last week i decided to just get out of my apartment and look for the nearest barber and just shave it all off. Why? I was kinda depressed during that time and i really think that doing it before chunks of my hair start to fall off gives me some control. Sort of "sorry cancer I shaved my hair and you're too late to make me bald!!!". And if i am ever gonna color my hair crazy i'm doing it not because i'm losing my hair but because i really wanna get it. So when i'm better and my hair grows back again, blue is the new black!

When everything was shampoo and conditioner!

Now with NO shampoo and NO conditioner!!! hahaha

Another wave of good news...

I don't think that having stage 2 cancer can actually be good news. But good that it's just stage 2, good that at least it's earlier than expected. Meaning the tumor cells have reached my chest area already but not widespread enough to reach other organs. So my heart is good, my liver is ok, my kidneys are fine and my blood count is just super! Yes! Yes! Yes!

My oncologist spent almost 2 hours going through my staging, treatments, benefits, side-effects, etc. And all i can think is I'm gonna be just fine. I will get through this.

Then doc started talking about options on saving "little Lloyds" as chemotherapy may cause sterility. I may have to store enough army of my sperm in the Swiss sperm bank to ensure the future of the Lloyd dynasty!

Anyway i needed to have my port a cath placement done so i can start chemo. And another pet scan.. i know i said another pet scan! Well, back to being radioactive again.

Officially my chemotherapy sessions will start on June 8 and then every after Tuesday for 4 cycles. That's 8 chemotherapy sessions in 4 months. And this will be followed by at least 1 month of radiation therapy.

Let's bring it on!!!! So this damn sucker can get off my neck and chest!!!

Bad Bad Day..

Have you ever felt pain that punches a hole to your spirit. It hurts so bad all you can do is cry and pray that this will at least stop for a second? I thought that having my bone marrow biopsy was the worst.. i have proven myself wrong again! I'm talking about the pain i feel inside of me. A pain that tortures your whole being and keeps burrowing inside until you wanna give in and let it take over. I wish there was something..anything i can do to numb it. But no! Nothing, i think nothing can take this away. I am fighting. Fighting really hard to hold on to any hope left inside of me. I want to. I need to.

Tests Tests and more Tests

BRING IT ON!!!! I was supposedly scheduled for a port a cath placement last Thursday but i guess the docs weren't ready for me yet. They said that my lab works were not updated anymore and they wanted the latest findings. So I'm back to more needle poking! Yey!

But at least i had 2 scans done that day. Both CT-scan and PET scan so i ain't complaining. They were not as annoying as the IV line on my arm through out the whole procedure. And yeah I'm radioactive!!! Also did the Gated Wall Motion Exam (heart function exam @ nuclear medicine). They gave me a letter that goes like this "This patient had a nuclear medicine procedure and may still have small amounts of radiation capable of being detected by radiation monitor equipment". Now all i need to do is find a spider to bite me and i'll be spiderman or does the spider need to be radioactive instead? hmmmm

Ok now i have pre-screening again next week. Hopefully this time i will be cleared for my surgery.

Bone Marrow Biopsy (a.k.a. scream to death pain)

Last Friday was my bone marrow biopsy exam. Yeah i've heard that it's on hella painful procedure. But being the optimistic me, i went there expecting just regular pain. I told myself that i had kidney stones i guess nothing is more painful than that! WRONG!!!

I went early as usual to the hematology clinic at NCBH (North Central Bronx Hospital) for my appointment packed with a morning smile and a kick-ass attitude. "It's just bone marrow exam and there's anesthesia (local), i'll be fine!" So i told my mom and dad not to bother going with me or even picking me up after the procedure.

First was blood works. I swear these hospitals are secretly selling blood to vampires!!! They really love to draw blood from me. Then the actual procedure. There were 3 doctors and a nurse. I was chosen to be in a study regarding a new way of harvesting bone marrow. In other words they wanna experiment on me using a drill-yes! a surgical drill!- with a foot-long straw-like needle in the end. Of course i said yes! Who wouldn't wanna be drilled through your bone with a fairly new equipment right?
They numbed my behind with the anesthesia and i was like yey! Then they started poking the straw-like needle all the way to the pelvic bone. And when it hit the bone, tadaaa!--pain,pain,pain!!! Doc was like "if you can rate the pain from 0-10, 0 being nothing and 10 worst possible pain, what would it be?" I politely said 8. Then he gave the signal to start drilling. And then pain,pain and more pain!!! "0-10?" doc asked again. I said 10 with a face looking like i swallowed a whole freaking lime! Whew! I consoled myself that the worst part is finally over. But doc has other plans... they still have to harvest the bone marrow and you guessed it right- PAIN, PAIN and HELLISH PAIN!!! I don't wanna scare anyone getting a bone marrow biopsy (i guess my warning is too late..) but F*&%*&$&K!!!!!! I wouldn't do it again even if they give me a lifetime supply of Gummy Bears or burry me with a million dollars!!! (hmmm maybe i would if it's the latter..hehehe) I never felt anything like that in my entire painful life. I had kidney stones and passed them out, that was hell. But this? It's HELL in capital letters.
So doc asked me again "0-10?" i was like 15! 15! 15! 15! He believed me. I guess the tears in my eyes, the torn paper cover of the table and my red furious face gave him the hint.
Going home was a challenge. And will take a longer story but let's say i got home with a limp, 2-lbs of cherries, a bag of strawberry and lots and lots of help from my good friends! Thank you good friends! =)

Any good news helps!

Today was Pulmonary Function Test and HIV Screen day.

Woke up really early, around 5:45 a.m., for my first appointment is at 7:30 a.m. and my Oncologist advised me to be there at least 30 mins. earlier. (My dad and my mom calling me on my cellphone around that time made it easier to drag my sleepy behind to the bathroom.)

Surprise!!! I was the first person in the Pulmonary Function Testing Clinic,of course! Not even the technicians were around. I think going there at 6:40 a.m. didn't help since they actually open by 7:30! Anyway, the tests in the Pulmo Clinic were weird! They have me seated inside a glass box with tubes for you to breathe. I already expected some "blowing and sucking" to happen since i guess they are assessing by lungs. The lady was very nice. I just can't imagine if anyone was listening on the other room when she was instructing me how to do the tests. "Suck it in..in..in.. in.. then hold..hold..now blow! blow! let it all out..blow! yes! very good! and again!" hahaha that actually put a big grin on my face while i'm stuck with a huge tube in my mouth and a sort-of clothe's pin looking thing on my nose. After more sucking and blowing..i'm done! wheewww!!!

So i went to the E.R. for my HIV Screening. A very nice nurse directed me to the testing area were Caesar, my technician/councilor led me to a private room and discussed about the procedure. I signed some paper works answered a few questions, one of them was "do you pay for sex/they pay you for sex?"--i was like hmmmmm? LOL, he then swabbed my upper and lower gums for the actual sample. Then while waiting for the results, more videos about condoms! how to use one (yup! very graphic!!!) both male and female condoms and yeah "mouth condoms". A few minutes later the results came and it was NEGATIVE! I actually know by heart that it is but any good news gives me more hope. =)

So that's one of my non-working day. I'm heading back to bed now. God Bless everybody! :)

Fact: Did you know that non-water based lubricants causes latex condoms to break?

Just Another Bump On The Road

 My friends,

  

As some of you might know, i've been sick lately and had been going on and off to the hospital. Had done almost all of the lab tests there is. Until i had a radical procedure (surgical biopsy) done when things turned from worse to worst. I don't have any easier way to say this.. i have cancer. 

They have yet to stage my cancer. It's a lymphoma type called Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I'm glad to say that it is a curable form of cancer. But it is still cancer and i will still have to go through all the treatments and procedures. 

As what the doctors have told me, i will be going for chemotherapy and/or radiation treatments for the span of 6-8 months depending on the severity of my condition. 

I am writing this not for you to pity me but to ask for your support and prayers. In this dark and difficult time of my life, i need my friends and my family to be strong for me.

I will be ok! I will get through this with God's help! I will win this fight! 

Future Cancer Survivor!

LJ